STEPFAMILIES

Stepfamilies come together when people marry again or live with a new partner. This may occur after the death of one parent, separation or divorce.

In re-marriage and step-families there is duplication. There are two mothers or fathers, one out of the home, four sets of grandparents and many extended family members. There may be children from the different families of exactly the same age. The family may have double in size, space becomes a problem. 

How does this effect the children involved?

• It can mean that children from different families end up living together for all or part of the time.

• Some children are very happy, but for others, coping with stepparents, stepbrothers and stepsisters can be a difficult and lonely experience.

• Settling into a new family situation is always difficult for the children involved, but this usually resolves itself with time. 

• However, for some children, problems can arise in relation to how well they do at school and their general health and wellbeing.

• There can be pressure to be a ‘perfect family’, but it takes time to get to know one another.

• Sometimes stepchildren continue to see both their birth parents, but others may lose touch with one of them.

•  Just getting used to different ways of doing things, rules etc that each person has can cause problems. Different rules and expectations, kinds of food eaten, when homework is done or what household tasks you would be expected to do are all things that cause stress. Family holidays, Christmas and other religious festivals are all times when each family has its own ways of doing things and it can be hard to adjust to new ways.

• Children might have to move house, neighbourhood and school. It can mean losing friends and moving away from loved relatives. 

• Families combining can mean less privacy; for example, sharing a bedroom, or never having somewhere quiet to do homework or just be alone. It can be a difficult time for parents too – they are having to be a parent for a child they hardly know.

This can result in 

• This can create stress,  depression and unhappiness for children and go on to complicate the relationships even further

• The step-parent often has an ambiguous role, what is he expected to do regarding discipline in the family? What is he to be called? The step-parent has no legal rights over the step-children. 

• Frequently, after a re-marriage, there is also an increased hostility towards the step-parent from the biological parent who has been replaced.

How can Childline help?

• Childline Gauteng receive calls from children talking about their family relationships, many of which concerns stepfamilies. A vast number of children called about parents divorcing or separating.

• When you phone Childline Gauteng,  on 08000 55555 you will be able to talk to a trained counselor - someone who will listen to you and help you find ways of sorting out your problems and worries. 

• If you want, the counselor can put you in touch with other people who can also help you and your family overcoming these problems. 

• You can tell the counselor in your own words what the problem is, all counselors are trained to speak and understand children at their own level.